DEAR DEIDRE: I cheated on my girlfriend having drunk sex with her best friend. It sounded like fun back then, but now I feel so guilty.

My girlfriend and I are 29 years old and have been together for five years. I was immature when we first started dating and wasn’t ready to settle down, so I cheated on her a lot.

But I really thought those days were behind me and last month I even agreed to start planning our wedding.

One of our groups celebrated their 30th birthday on a Thursday evening. We are all about the same age and about ten of us ended up at the pub. We were all pretty drunk and headed back to one of the girls when the pub closed.

My girlfriend wasn’t there because she had to get up early the next day for a job interview and couldn’t risk being late or having a hangover.

Her best friend and I started talking, as friends, about whether she was likely to get the job. But mutual attraction – or alcohol – caught up with us and we soon found ourselves in one of the upstairs bedrooms and had very pleasurable sex.

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One of the others walked into the room thinking it was empty and saw us in bed together. She told another friend and the word spread.
My girlfriend heard a few days later and went ballistic. I denied it, saying I was just sleeping under the duvet.

At first she believed me. But her friends told her I’m lying and now she believes them.

She’s fallen out with her best friend and she doesn’t even want to talk to me. She thinks I’m a total scum. I promised myself that I was going to be faithful and I feel really bad about myself.

I have a young son from a previous relationship. He’s only eight years old now but what would he think of a father who behaves like that?

DEIDRE SAYS: Sure, you made a huge mistake having sex with your girlfriend’s best friend, but is it just a coincidence that it happened just when you agreed to start planning your wedding?

How was your family life when you were a child? Was your father stable and reliable, or did he cheat on your mother or disappear from your life?

Maybe you don’t have a pattern in your mind of a man who is happily settled in a romantic relationship.

Tell your girlfriend that you are so sorry and that you intend to explore why you have disappointed her so much and how to make sure you never behave like that again.

My electronic brochure cannot be accurate? will help you get started.

And make sure that you are a reliable father to your son. See him regularly, invite him to your home, and find activities you can share with him. Be the responsible role model he needs.

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